Chapter 1

Chapter 1:  Hello, my name is Jeff.


Another car horn honks. I don't care. I'm heartbroken and on the verge of tears. Fuck them. Fuck her! HE fucked her... Deep breathes. My anger fades. My mind is lost in memories of sweet caresses and tender moments. My body makes those automatic movements. Left turn. Avoid the pothole. Wait for the light. And just when my mind is thinking about driving off a cliff, my hand turns the keys. Only then am I truly aware of where I am. I could almost smile.

I ring the buzzer. Apartment 5. Just like always. Normally though, I play a short pattern. Normally, I'm in a playful mood, a happy mood...

"Hello?", says the speaker.

"Hey. It's me.", I respond.

I hear the click of the door unlocking. By the time I'm up the stairs, Emma already has the door open. Her eyes locked on her phone.

"What's wrong?", she asks now typing away.

I can't answer. It still hurts too much. I feel the tears again. My mind wonders back to Rachel... Oh, Rachel. Why? Why did you sleep with him? Why didn't you just stab me with a rusty knife? It might hurt less...

Emma's stare finally snaps me out of the haze. Her face. It's like she feels my pain. She does that little half smile, the "I don't know what to say" smile. I know what's next, the hug. I feel her arms around me and I hold her close. I bury my face in hair. Lavender fills my head. I'm not sure how long we stood in the apartment hallway like that. I, honestly, don't care. I felt comforted. I even felt protected. I feel her phone buzz against my back.

"Damn. Annoying. People.", she playfully says.

"I know, right?", I half laugh.

"Go on in. I gotta call Mom so she'll quit bugging me."

"Alright."

I can hear her faint phone conversation from here. Her room is decent sized. The walls are a muted green and almost everything else is a deep purple or black. Her room is sort of odd. Like her I guess. It's mature, what you'd expect of a young lady. It's girly yet still has it's edge. Band posters still line the walls. Her bulletin board of art inspiration is cluttered with photos, doodles, and scribbles. I look on her Cintiq. She's in the middle of a scenery. School work. She hardly ever does those on her own. I pick up her headphones. Classical. Nice. I pull off my jacket and crash on her bed. Mmm. Lavender again.

"Alllright! So I got chips, dip, soda, and ice cream.  Think that's it for break-up munchies.", Emma annouces as she sets the breakfast tray full of snacks next to me, "Feel free to rant. I'm listening. I just really have to finish this before class tomorrow."

I look up at her. Her green eyes are sincere. She wants to drop everything and give me her full attention and thought. She wants to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay. She wants to be the best friend she has always been to me.

"It's cool. Not really at the talking phase yet. Just wanted to get my mind off...", I'm already crying again.

She does her half smile and walks over to her desk to work. She unplugs the headphones and pauses the music. I feel the music remote hit my stomach as I sit up. I scan through till I hear Disturbed. Good enough. I watch Emma as she draws. Her long black hair is pulled up. She's wearing a dary gray tee and black shorts. Her legs are curled up in her chair and she bites her bottom lip when she's getting frustrated with the drawing. I glance at her mirror on her bathroom door. My hair is a wreak. My shirt is from a concert me and Emma went to a year ago. Three Days Grace. Shes nuts about them. Not a bad show but I'm still not a huge fan. My jeans are full of holes and faded. As always.

The song changes. Lady Gaga. Damn shuffle.